| Whatever you want it to be |
Q. What do you call the temperature between two west virginians?A. Relative Humidity
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| New Driver's License |
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to...
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| Lady Sunbathing |
A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax. She went to the top of the hotel, stripped down, and layed face down on the roof. After about an hour of sunbathing, she heard someone come on the roof. It was the manager of the hotel. He said, " Excuse me, miss, but...
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| Ocean Joke |
What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean?Nothing, it just waved.
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| Car Acronyms |
AUDIAccelerates Under Demonic InfluenceAlways Unsafe Designs ImplementedAll Un-informed Drivers InsultedAll Unnecessary Devices Installed BMWBig Money WorksBought My WifeBrutal Money Waster BUICKBig Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLETCan Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGEDumb Old Dirty Gas EaterDrips Oil, Drops...
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| Glazed |
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
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| Clinton Vacation |
Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well,...
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| Far East |
Mueller is traveling with his wife and mother-in-law in a far east country. At a place of honor his mother-in-law makes a careless remark, which the native people take as an insult to the royal family. Mueller is dragged off to court with his wife and mother-in-law and are sentenced to corporal punishment. Each of them are to recieve 50 lashes on the rear end with a cane. But because the royal...
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| Bad Motel |
1.The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.2.The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. 3.The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. 4.There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow 5.The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes. 6.You have to...
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| Haircut before Trip |
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.So, how are you getting there?""We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!""TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight...
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